Tomorrow is the Memorial of the Transverberation of the Heart of St. Teresa of Avila, and it is for this occasion that I would light to reflect upon the relationship of pleasure and pain.
Teresa says in the Book of her Life:
"I saw in [the angel's] hand a long spear of gold, and at the iron’s point there seemed to be a little fire. He appeared to me to be thrusting it at times into my heart and to pierce my very entrails; when he drew it out, he seemed to draw them out also, and to leave me all on fire with a great love of God. The pain was so great, that it made me moan; and yet so surpassing was the sweetness of this excessive pain, that I could not wish to be rid of it. The soul is satisfied now with nothing less than God. The pain is not bodily, but spiritual; though the body has its share in it, even a large one. It is a caressing of love so sweet which now takes place between the soul and God, that I pray God of His goodness to make him experience it who may think that I am lying."
This is a spiritual experience that Teresa had, and yet the unity of body and soul necessitates that her body share in this experience. There is also the seemingly incompatible phenomenon of "the sweetness of this excessive pain" that she describes.
St. John of the Cross talks about this apparent dichotomy all the time- of pleasure and pain. His favorite metaphor is the living flame of love that tenderly wounds the soul. That's what union with God is like in this life, not just for beginners being purged of the most basic attachments, but even saints with the thinnest of vales separating them from eternal life.
There may be a more physical experience we can relate to that in some small way shares in this phenomenon- at once spiritual and physical, pleasant and painful: pregnancy. In a discussion about whether our Blessed Mother experienced the pains associated with pregnancy, my sister-in-law pointed out that "there are many physical feelings of pregnancy that both hurt and bring joy at the same time, so if she didn't feel physical discomfort when pregnant, she would lose many of the joyful moments of pregnancy as well."
This is a fitting reflection for St. Monica's feast day this Sunday, who is patron saint of mothers. She knew all too well the combination of pain and pleasure in being a mother to Augustine.
And is not this the case in all our lives: that there are so many twists and turns, changes and challenges, that bring a certain element of uneasiness, if not pain. But if we had not gone through, then neither would we have experienced the simultaneous joy that they bring?
Think of the stress and anxiety of going back to school even. But isn't there excitement and joy alongside these?
So, in whatever wound we are experiencing, "we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our HEARTS through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us." -Romans 5:3
